Some of you know, some of you don’t, but for about the last year I’ve been constantly sick. Just one thing after another. Now, some of you are probably thinking, she hasn’t been sick, or she doesn’t look sick. But 1. I am good at hiding it and 2. Most of it is internal. I’ve had constant gut problems for approximately a year now and I’m finally in the process of seeing a specialist about it, after countless doctor’s visits, blood tests and scans. I don’t want to go into too many details, what I really wanted to talk about was how it’s affecting me, mentally. I need to vent a little.
I’m at that point, mentally, where I’m reading every article that says something along the lines of, “5 ways to feel better” or “Fix your gut now!” I am that desperate to feel better, healthy and normal again. And you know what they say majority of the time? Stress less, eat your veggies, drink plenty of water… Blah, blah, blah. It makes me so angry. Why can’t I be healthy? I’m doing absolutely everything I can and I still feel like shit. I have a good couple of days every now and then but after that I’m either in pain, feeling sick or I’ve come down with a cold or throat infection again because my immunity is shot to hell. Lately every time I get sick, which is often because, let’s face it, it’s me, I’ve been falling in a bundle of tears. Mentally I can’t cope with it. I now take probiotic tablets, a multivitamin and two Vitamin C tablets every morning, green vegetables, oats/Metamucil and prunes everyday to help with my digestion and drinking 1.5-3 L of water throughout the day. Mentally, I can’t deal with it. My brain and my body feels tired every single day. And heaven forbid if I forget to eat any of the foods that help with my digestion, imagine me doubled over in pain… That’s what my life is like right now.
I’m really, really trying to remain positive about the whole situation. The World Health Organisation states, “Mental health is an integral part of health; indeed, there is no health without mental health.” But how can I be positive when I’m sick or in pain, over and over and over again. I understand that health isn’t just physical health, you’re not just automatically healthy because you aren’t sick or diseased. That’s because fundamentally, mental and physical health is linked in multiple ways.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m struggling. Big time struggling today. I have days that are better, much better than this. But right now. It’s hard. It’s a battle that I have to keep fighting every day. A mountain I have to keep climbing. Hopefully one day, soon, I won’t have to climb anymore. I’ll finally be 100% again.
I really hope this hasn’t come across as a whingey/whiney post. I really just needed to vent. I’m going to continue posting twice a week, if I can. Let me know if there’s anything you want me to write about! I’m open to ideas. If you want to remain updated with when I post, don’t forget to follow this page! I’m still tossing up the idea of having a separate Facebook page just for The Bear and Me, leave me a comment with what you think. Hopefully my next post is a bit more upbeat!
Until next time,
Feature Image via Nuviun