You know those days where you just want to throw in the towel and give up? Today was one of those days. I have had barely any issues with anxiety for a while now and today, just like that, it hits me. I was sick to my stomach, stressed, hands shaking, crying (hysterically, might I add) and I felt completely and utterly broken. Anxiety had come crashing down like a tonne of bricks.
I think it hit me harder than it used to because firstly, I am extremely stressed with the amount of work I have to do in the next week and secondly, I haven’t had to deal with bad anxiety for a while. It was a shock to the system that’s for sure. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and never get up. I didn’t want to keep going. I wanted to just give up. I am currently studying and everything is due in about a weeks time and then I am completely done forever – well probably not forever but this Diploma will be done in a week’s time. I am so incredibly close to finishing and it’s been so hard to do this last little section. I guess the saying is true, ‘The moment you’re ready to quit is usually the moment right before something magical happens’. The end is always the hardest. It’s like the last little bit of a workout. Do you push yourself harder for that last 2 minutes to reach your goal or do you just sit back and it is what it is. You just stay the same. There’s no progress or improvement. No. You work your butt off until you reach your goal. You get up and keep going.
Stress. It’s something I talked about last week (read more here). I don’t deal with stress very well. I get angry, upset, shitty, snappy and just downright horrible to be around. (A big shout out to my loved ones who are putting up with this at the moment, I really do love you!) And at this point in time I feel like my stress levels are just rising and rising. Just writing about it is making my chest tighten… ugh! I’m trying to stay calm and happy and all that but sometimes I just break. I break into a million pieces and sometimes it takes a few hours and a glass, who am I kidding… a bottle of wine to pick myself up. Stress just breaks me down. It turns me into something and someone I hate being. I know all I need is a break to relax but in my head I don’t have time. My brain keeps going, you don’t have time to have an hour’s break, you’ve gotta keep working. I have been basically non-stop sitting in front of this computer all day and I’m just over it. I haven’t even been outside and it was such a beautiful day! I have a headache, my butt and back hurts from sitting down all day and I still have more work I want to get done tonight.
I feel like I’m rambling so I’ll wrap up shortly. Writing clears my head and refreshes my thoughts, I look forward to writing my blog every Sunday and I am so excited to see what 2017 brings because I’ll actually have more time next year because NO STUDY! Thank you for all your love and support and yes, I will eventually get some more FODMAP friendly recipes up on my blog in the next few weeks, I’ve just been running out of time. Just breathe and keep going. That’s all I’ve gotta do!