Where’s my coffee?

What a week it has been, my chronic fatigue has reared its ugly head once again for pretty much this whole week without any warning. Which means it has been a week of absolute, indescribable exhaustion pretty much all day, every day. My chronic fatigue comes and goes with no regularity whatsoever. Sometimes I’ll have numerous months where I’m fine and then for a couple of days the fatigue sets in. Sometimes, I’ve had a number of weeks dealing with chronic fatigue with no relief and then one day, all of a sudden, it’s just gone and sometimes, it comes and goes a number of times within 24 hours. You can never pick when it’s going to be, and it doesn’t always come at the most convenient of times. Or rather I should say, it never is convenient.

Chronic fatigue is ongoing, unexplained exhaustion where no amount of rest leaves you feeling refreshed.

The most common symptom is ongoing, unexplained tiredness which may be accompanied by:

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/chronic-fatigue-syndrome-cfs

When my chronic fatigue is bad I get headaches and muscle aches, dizziness if I don’t eat regularly and I fall asleep pretty much as soon as I stop. I’ll get 8 hours plus of sleep a night and I still struggle to pull myself out of bed. Pretty much every night this week I have had to be on the phone to someone while driving home from work, via Bluetooth of course, just so I’ll have something to keep me awake. Pretty much as soon as I get home and sit down I have fallen asleep on the couch and my partner will tell you how hard it is to wake me. The problem is though if I sleep for too long on the couch, I can really struggle going to sleep in bed even though I am absolutely exhausted. I have been super emotional this week as well due to the exhaustion. I have cried twice at work, thankfully when I’ve been by myself and not sobbing like an uncontrollable mess, just because I am so exhausted. It’s like I’ve got two voices in my head. One is telling me “I’m exhausted. I can’t do this anymore. I need to rest.” The other voice is telling me “Just push through. It will be ok.” I just really struggle to deal with lots of things that normally I can easily cope with when I get my chronic fatigue. My body is so focused on keeping me awake and safe that everything else becomes so much harder.

I saw the Naturopath yesterday (Saturday) and the only thing I can say right now is that I am overwhelmed. I got so much information and do this and do that, on top of my fatigue, that my brains like, I can’t deal with this. We talked about a few tests that she wants me to do which includes, Gene Testing, Food Tolerance Testing and a full thyroid panel. All I’m seeing right now is huge $$$$ signs, but I know I need to get it done. It’s just as I said before, overwhelming. I have spent so much money in the past on scans, tests, appointments and specialists and not gotten complete answers that I can’t help but think, is this going to be really worth the money? What if I don’t get my questions answered yet again? People with chronic health issues will understand I hope, the constant uphill battle to get answers, especially when they’re not obvious like mine. 10/10 should set up a GoFundMe for my appointments (KIDDING!)

But for now she wants me to cut out all gluten, dairy and carbs. Carbs as in, no bread, pasta, rice or cereals at all… eek! It’s so hard to hear people to tell you to cut out even more foods from your diet when I’m already so restricted with my low FODMAP and my personal choices to cut out coffee, alcohol and refined sugar. On that note, I have come so close to having both coffee and alcohol this week. Coffee for the exhaustion, and alcohol to deal emotionally with the exhaustion. As soon as I started thinking this way I knew that I was about to have alcohol for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t to celebrate, it was to drink away my problems. Which I realise now, is something I did a lot before giving it up. I’m proud of myself for not giving in but my goodness, I just really wanted a nice, big glass of wine Friday night and a ginormous coffee Saturday morning.  But I didn’t and I’m grateful for that.

I’ve realised as I’m writing this that my eyelids have started to get heavy and I’m pretty sure I have briefly fallen asleep a couple of times, so I’m hoping that’s from my fatigue and not the fact that this blog post is extremely boring! Hope you all have a restful night tonight to get ready for an amazing FOUR DAY WEEK!

I’m just a bit excited!

-A.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s